Friday, January 25, 2013

...And I Got Over Her! [Part 1]

"Why are you so sad?" She pounded for the glass of water as she gulped down the spicy hot chaat.
I retorted back, "Oh really? Do I look like being sad?".
She laughed, "You suck at pretending Vibhu!".
Her smile made me smile. At least for a moment. But the pain resided on my face again and she sensed it. She came closer to me, kept her left hand on my shoulder and took my left hand in her right hand.
I said, "Stop consoling me!".
She shrugged, "I am not consoling, you jerk! I am just trying to be a vent for you. You can spit your pain by sharing it with me. And who knows, I can provide you your magic solution!".

I looked at her. She was smiling. Her eyes had a twinkle. A twinkle of hope for her friend. Amu has always been a good buddy to me. We met on facebook. She was a complete stranger to me. Over a year, she became my close friend. A friend I can share everything with. A friend I can rely upon for my emotional problems. Although she is a year younger to me, but she acts responsibly. We have not met often. We only chat online. In fact, this was our fifth official meeting. As always, I insisted her to meet me.

I let out a long sigh. "It's her. She broke up with me."
Amu sounded impatient, "What's new in that. She is always acting like a bitch to you and you always are the crying baby and I become your vent and eventually your consoling friend and then she comes back to you and you are happy and the vicious cycle continues!"
"Hey! Please don't call her a bitch." I mumbled.
Reluctantly she apologized but I could see she was furious.

I said looking down, "It's not a vicious cycle anymore. She is gone. She has not talked to me for the past six months. I tried calling her but she never received my call. A week ago, she received my call."
 


Me: Hi, how are you?
Her: Why do you call me over and over again. I made it clear that I can't talk to you anymore! Don't you get it?
Me: Why are you doing this to me? I am dying without you. Please take me back! Life seems incomplete without you. Don't you remember me once?
Her: Look Vibhu, I made it clear that for me, my family comes prior to you. I won't go against my family. I owe them my life, my success...everything. I would do what they expect out of me.
Me: But I love you. 
Her: And I don't love you! And right now, you are wasting my precious time. I'm with my friends. And I am happy with them. You are not needed anymore! So, don't you dare to disturb me ever again!
Me: Friends hold more priority than me, right?
Her: Right, they do! You are a stranger to me now.
Me: Why are you being so rude?
Her: Why are you sticking to me like glue then? Just get lost!
Me: Stop being so proud and arrogant! You have no reason to do that.
Her: Look I'm not interested in fighting with you. And anyway, I like some one else now. So, consider yourself completely eliminated from my life. Bye!


"...And then she hung up. I tried calling her every single day in the last week. But she never received. I am a mess right now."
I realized tears trickled down my cheek and Amu was wiping them off. I was not ashamed to cry in front of Amu.
She said softly, "Don't cry."
After a few silent moments, she asked me seriously, "Do you love her?"
I realized I was not sure. "Yes, I do. But I don't want to!"

It was true. In the last six months, when I kept waiting for her, she never even thought of me once. Before our break up, she kept abusing me often. She never gave me my rightful priority over her friends. I felt like being used. After the break up, I was devastated. She never received my calls. And when she did receive once in a while, she used to abuse me verbally. She was always angry. I was always pleading. She was always busy with her friends. She never had even two minutes to talk to me. She told me once that she even made out with some guy! How could she do that to me! I was always loyal to her. It was then my hatred for her started.

Yes, I started hating her! But still, I craved for her. I stopped calling her. I tried to deviate myself. I tried to make new friends online so that I could forget her. Out of hatred, I even decided to make out with any girl who I could persuade. But, I was emotionally too weak, I guess. I used to cry when alone. I even used to hurt myself physically. I once slit open my wrist with the knife. My parents knew it. They were sad, but out of anxiety, never showed their anger. I was concerned about my parents too. HOW COULD I DO THIS TO THEM! They would have surely died without me. I was horrified at what I did and decided to never ever do any harm to myself again, no matter what!

Amu knew it all. She had seen in during my worst phase. Even before breakup, whenever I had a fight and a temporary 'no talking' with her, Amu was my safe harbor. She used to make sure that I did not do anything stupid and reckless.

I was so lost in thoughts of my own when Amu shoved me out of the restaurant. She had already paid for the bill, I never knew when!

Amu was now furious at me. "Dude, if you don't want to love her, then don't! Let her go! You have to! She is happy with some one else, don't you see! You will find some one better than her!"
My voice was choked, with emotions overpowering me once again. "I can't love anyone else."
"Yes you can! And you will!" she almost ordered me!
"How?" I challenged her as I asked her the most difficult question.
Deep lines got etched on her forehead. After a few moments, she said, "Meet me tomorrow and I will tell you the solution. I promise! And for this promise, I want a promise from you in return! Don't try to harm yourself! Okay?
I smiled, "I won't. Promise". It was comforting to realize that some people do care about me.
She said in a hurry, "It's getting late. I will see you tomorrow. Take care!"
She boarded the bus. I smiled as she waved at me for the last time.
***